Well it's 9 years today since we lost our Jonathan, I have shed a few tears and I have mentioned it to the kids and Robs has had a very busy day, so we haven't really had time to wallow in the tragedy of it all. It's on days like this that you begin to understand what being grateful is all about. I often say that I am grateful and then still feel like something is missing or am unable to feel content with my life. Is this because our first born is not here in the flesh with us? I don't think so, if I'm totally honest. I have 2 of the most beautiful children here with me and there is nothing better that going to wake them up and getting a big smile and a hug. It's only a few hours between bedtime and wake up time but when my son sees me he smiles the most joy- giving smile in the world and today was no different.
This morning after breakfast both my babies took their designated places on my lap and although it would have been VERY nice to have to squash in another one, I believe I felt truely grateful for the very FIRST time. Why? I am loved, and yes often I feel like I am maybe a little too tough and the words coming out my mouth are loud and blunt, but the kids don't hold it against me, they are able to smile and hug me like they haven't seen me for years. All I can say today is that although it would have been better to have all three alive and well and smiling up at me through sleepy eyes, I am grateful the two I've got are full of love and realise how much I really do love them and am grateful for them being here with me on this plane.
To my spirit child, I love you and will see you when it's my time, I know that for you the time is like a snap of my fingers, but as I've said unfortunately I have to wait the rest of my life.
In love and light (and grateful peace).
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