The way I want to be

Lau Tzu "The way to do is to be."

I saw this quote on Twitter today and it made me think about my life and how I've lived it. The first thought that comes to mind is that I am not passionate about anything and therefore have no true goal. The honest truth is that I have spent my whole life hiding away, being a large person you'd think it's hard to hide but believe me it's easier than you think.

Most people are so hung up on themselves that they fail to notice how they affect anyone else. It's also true to say that the most defining moments of my life have been forged by pain. I could list some of the most pertinent events, but you all know those, because they were the most visible. There are several events that I have failed to share with anyone because they just hurt so much and account for so much of how I've lived my life.

However, I have always tried to be fair and just, I have always tried to think of others before myself and I have always tried to love the way I believe I should be loved.

And that dear friends is what is wrong with my life. So I will no longer try to be fair and just. I AM fair and just. I will no longer try to think of others. I DO think of others, and I have always tried to love, well I DO love deeply and will No Longer think of the pain but of the lessons I have learnt.

Thinking about it now, "tried" is a cop out, you either are or you aren't, does this make me a failure. NO if anything it has opened my eyes to being honest if not with anyone else then with myself. After all I have to live with myself. I have to look at myself in the mirror and when all is said and done I am the only when who has to live with me.

I love my children and am grateful everyday for them. I love my husband and am grateful for his love and support. I have often wondered what he fell in love with, and now I hope I know, and can accept that all the things I've tried to be, he knows I really am.

So to heck with trying and let's raise a toast to DOING.

In love and light
Tracey

Day 22 Month 6 - Enable Me

Good Evening All
I had a marvelous day at school today, the school played host to a various array of disabled people, the Enable Me programme is designed to encourage awareness of the abilities of disabled people.
This morning we were met by two sports coaches (both in wheelchairs) a man with a lovely sense of humour who'd suffered a major stroke at age 29 and by far the most inspiring of the lot was a beautiful French woman who is 27 years of age. At university 7 years ago she contracted Meningitis TB. She was in a Coma for around 5 months and when she awoke she had lost ALL her hearing and ALL her sight. In addition to NO HEARING AND NO SIGHT, she could not move her body and was told she would be paralyzed from the neck down. She walked in today guided by a lady and walking with a crutch (friend #1). She explained that she is now partially sighted and can hear with a hearing aid (friend #2). She showed the children various "friends", basically little gadgets that vibrate and beep so she can feel or hear the door bell, the telephone, the oven etc. I asked how long she has been completely blind and completely deaf before her hearing and sight started returning. She picked up her Bible and told us that when the Doctor checks her eyes, her nerves are irreparably damaged. she should not be seeing anything. She attributes her ability to see in shadows and colour (albeit dim) to her faith. Her sight is getting better, on pure faith.
I was blown away by this young woman who returned to university to complete her course, and her ability to have faith after such an illness makes me think again of how we should be grateful EVERY DAY who knows when something like this could happen and then it leads me to wonder would I be as gracious, as inspiring and as forgiving had this happened to me?

Do me one favour tonight, look in the mirror and be grateful for 2 eyes that work, 2 ears that work and a body that responds to every little command without any effort.
In lots of love and lots of light.