The way I want to be

Lau Tzu "The way to do is to be."

I saw this quote on Twitter today and it made me think about my life and how I've lived it. The first thought that comes to mind is that I am not passionate about anything and therefore have no true goal. The honest truth is that I have spent my whole life hiding away, being a large person you'd think it's hard to hide but believe me it's easier than you think.

Most people are so hung up on themselves that they fail to notice how they affect anyone else. It's also true to say that the most defining moments of my life have been forged by pain. I could list some of the most pertinent events, but you all know those, because they were the most visible. There are several events that I have failed to share with anyone because they just hurt so much and account for so much of how I've lived my life.

However, I have always tried to be fair and just, I have always tried to think of others before myself and I have always tried to love the way I believe I should be loved.

And that dear friends is what is wrong with my life. So I will no longer try to be fair and just. I AM fair and just. I will no longer try to think of others. I DO think of others, and I have always tried to love, well I DO love deeply and will No Longer think of the pain but of the lessons I have learnt.

Thinking about it now, "tried" is a cop out, you either are or you aren't, does this make me a failure. NO if anything it has opened my eyes to being honest if not with anyone else then with myself. After all I have to live with myself. I have to look at myself in the mirror and when all is said and done I am the only when who has to live with me.

I love my children and am grateful everyday for them. I love my husband and am grateful for his love and support. I have often wondered what he fell in love with, and now I hope I know, and can accept that all the things I've tried to be, he knows I really am.

So to heck with trying and let's raise a toast to DOING.

In love and light
Tracey

To blog or not to blog? That is the question

Well I have been blogging on Yuwie this week in an attempt to raise my profile and try to earn some money online - it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I am raising £600 for some training I am undertaking, this is a big push for us so the only other alternative for me is to find another (2nd) job, I thought making money online would be easy but raising your profile enough to actually earn money is harder work than working.

The 2nd problem I have is that I already pay more than half my current salary on child-care and if I want to work in the evenings this is going to cost me even more, this is not because I am a single mom but because my husband commutes into London each day and I am lucky if he is home by 8pm.

The only other alternative is to sacrifice my Saturdays as Sundays I already volunteer at the Sunday school for our church. This is a vital part of the training I am undertaking and so this is not a sacrifice.

I have been studying the law of attraction from many sources, and let me tell you that if you think it's going to be easy to manifest all these blessings in your life you are wrong. But then like the training I am undertaking this change of thought and gratification for the small things is all worth while.

And hey I just broke the first rule of attraction - I have been writing in the negative, so I will have to rethink my view on another job on Saturdays and be gratefull that my hubby will be home to cover the child care, it's all a process and the key is staying on track.

In love
T