Month 4 Day 14

Gosh I've had a real lousy day.
I feel so deflated and that is because we have searched this house high and low for K's DSi. Every drawer I opened there is junk, every box I moved more junk, when I think that we came here 4 short years ago with three suit cases and two carry-ons, now we have accumulated so much crap. There is more stuff in the garage than we had in our entire first home (our little two bedroom flat in Bez Valley before we had kids!) and when I think that we had Catherine cleaning up after us and making the beds and I didn't even know what dust was,now today I walked around with a scrap of a white towel and you should see the amount of dust no wonder I have such blinking allegies.
Anyway I have completely lost my temper periodically throughout the day. Simply because my son is so ungrateful, it doesn't bother him that this very expensive gadget is gone. When I say we searched high and low I mean C and I searched high and low. The point of today's entry is this. I really hate it when I feel out of control and when I completely strip, I scream and shout like a banshee and my voice gets louder and louder, I am sure the whole neighbourhood has heard me shouting today although hopefully a muffled version due to double glazed windows.
Anyway, I decided I needed some guidance and next to this very computer sits my bible, so I held it for a while took a few deep breaths and opened it. What did it say? It said something like this, Hosea the profit was feeling angry and betrayed because his wife had been unfaithful to him. God wanted Hosea to keep loving his wife, because those who we love hurt us the most, and we must rise above that hurt and just keep loving. Yes, God continues to love us no matter how much we hurt him and I suppose if I scale this down to what my day has been like then I need to continue to love my son even though I feel hurt and betrayed by his ungratefulness, the thing is I never ever felt that I did not love him, my love for him is absolute and he is such a sensitive child with an amazing sense of humour and so much love that he gives in  return, so how can I feel such love and such anger at the same time for the same person? I think it's just that he has no clue about how much was sacrificed in order for his sister and himself to get these games consoles. I have been searching for this blooming machine because I know that after a long day at work Rob is coming home to start another search with yet more shouting and performing.
I think I am even angry with myself because the machine had been on the kitchen table for days and days and when I finaly got one of the kids to clear the table the blooming thing goes missing. I should have just done it myself, but I am so sick and tired of cleaning up after them and I really feel that it is time they took responsibility for their things. Holy crap I could just keep going on and on and on and on.
Bottom line I just wish the thing would reappear and soon.
In love and light.