I know, I know... It's just that there has not been much to say, things have been so busy and I have been so stressed over the whole job thing and Beryl moving away and I have been worried and I have been upset and I and I and I and I. Yes it's been one of those selfish phases that I seem to wallow in and then resent after.
I was just about to log off now for the evening when I decided to check my Twitter account, I don't have many followers and I follow specific things, mainly inspirational quotes etc, but I also follow Tom Ziglar who is the son of Zig Ziglar, motivational speaker and one of the best I have ever heard or read. I love his stuff and have or should I say had all his talks on cd, anyway tonight there was this little video and I am really sorry that I don't know how to attach it here, but it's just a little animated thing about tweeting, the bonus for me was that it included a number of Zig's quotes, and one of them was " are you a wandering generality or a meaningful specific." I had bought a number of cd's directly from the States and living in Joburg I was really glad to actually receive them through the post. When I heard Zig say those words during one of his live talks something struck me. You know I am a wandering generality, I cannot focus or keep goals no matter how much determination I have to start off with.
Granted I suppose I was quite content to work hard, have a nice house, drive a new car and live from bonus to bonus working in a global bank. Then fate dealt me (us) a terrible blow, we lost our baby and all of a sudden nothing was certain anymore, overnight and with broken heart it became clear that no matter how you plan for things- they can go wrong. Next month it will be 9 years and I am still looking for my purpose, yes I have learnt lessons and yes, I get by, but lets face it I have been running away. I live 11000 miles from the family who love me and supported us during the worst of the grief. I was in the bank for 8 years earning good money and threw it up for a couple of lousy temp jobs, even here in the UK I started out temping, got offers for permanent positions and left, so why now when I finaly find a job I love and had hoped to settle down in, there are budget constraints and last in first out so - sorry for you Trace. Well it all boils down to being a wandering generality, if the law of attraction is true and I know it is, then subconsciously I am constantly preparing to fail. It's like I was supposed to start a diet yesterday because I want to be healthier and with fewer aches and pains for our holiday in August and what did I do today? I ate more than did the whole of last week, I am not proud of myself and it feeds this endless cycle of failure my life has become. Zig also said that motivation is something you need daily like a bath, so the only alternative is to begin again listening to Zig and others who have motivated me, problem here is that I think almost everyone I know has one of my books, cd's or dvds. Silly me for wanting to spread the miraculous words of others.
Gonna have to start building up my library AGAIN.
In love and light
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