It's 3.50 am on the 5th of May 2012, on this day 10 years ago Rob and I lost our son. We don't know why. It has been 10 years and every day we take it one day at a time. We have been blessed with 2 more children, but every mother will tell you that each one is loved with all her heart. So even though our lives are full and rewarding, there is always something missing.
When it happened, I did not want to carry on, I could very easily have joined him. However eventually the pain of a broken heart goes away and you get up out of bed, have a bath, have a cry, get dressed and start facing the world. A world that is forever changed because there is such a fundamental part of your being missing.
One day you wake up and it seems that the pain is as fresh as it was on the very day we lost him, yet it's a year later and you have survived. Hey, and life has gone on.
Then one day you wake up and it's 10 years and the pain is fresh and the tears still flow. I know that Jonathan David is experiencing a new journey, he has visited me on occasion and I have had signs that he is with my granny.
I also know that he is waiting for me and I'll tell you why.
Soon after we lost him, I had fallen asleep on the couch in our house in Kensington, I awoke to find him next to me, he was laughing and playing a game of hide and seek, my boy went behind the curtains (I remember they were green with thin yellow and red stripes). Before I could go and find him I regained full consciousness and there he is waiting behind the curtain for me to find him. You see where he is, there is no sense of time as we experience it here. so he will wait a moment for me to find him, but I unfortunately have to wait the rest of my physical life. I have always said that I imagine the transition from this life to the next as being met at the arrivals hall of an international airport, but my transition will begin with a laugh and a smile as I pull the curtain away and grab my child and hold him so close to my heart and in that instant all the pain and all the tears that have shed and will continue to shed for the rest of my life will be forgotten and I will finally be at peace.
AND THAT DEAR FRIENDS IS WHAT I'D CALL HEAVEN.
In love and light.
Tracey
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Day 12 Month 6 - I believe in Angels
All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Those of you who know me will know 3 things.
1. I believe in Angels
2. I am amazed that Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote (quite a while ago) beliefs that are not confined to mainstream religion and yet touch many of the beliefs that I have.
3. You know my beliefs on the Creator.
So with those three things in mind let me tell you what this quote means to me...it means that if we can see and appreciate the world around us, then imagine what is laying beneath this magnificent surface.
A lot of new age writing touches on the unseen, imagining or visualising your life as you want it to be. I have tried to quite my mind enough to visualise my perfect life into reality, you all know how that turned out. But this evenings quote is actually saying to me, WOW just look at what we DO have around us right now, rain bringing life back into dehydrated trees, grass and flowers. Family who love us, and whom we love. Friends, who care and help because they want to without any repayment. The ability to help those friends because we can and because we want to without any repayment. A roof over our heads, jobs to go to. Things to see, places to go. So let us just reflect a moment on what the Creator (yourself) has brought into your life and vow today to change the negative, and be truly appreciative for the positive for by refelcting on the positive we are bringing more positive into our lives. By ignoring the negative we are then eliminating it from our lives.
In love and light
Those of you who know me will know 3 things.
1. I believe in Angels
2. I am amazed that Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote (quite a while ago) beliefs that are not confined to mainstream religion and yet touch many of the beliefs that I have.
3. You know my beliefs on the Creator.
So with those three things in mind let me tell you what this quote means to me...it means that if we can see and appreciate the world around us, then imagine what is laying beneath this magnificent surface.
A lot of new age writing touches on the unseen, imagining or visualising your life as you want it to be. I have tried to quite my mind enough to visualise my perfect life into reality, you all know how that turned out. But this evenings quote is actually saying to me, WOW just look at what we DO have around us right now, rain bringing life back into dehydrated trees, grass and flowers. Family who love us, and whom we love. Friends, who care and help because they want to without any repayment. The ability to help those friends because we can and because we want to without any repayment. A roof over our heads, jobs to go to. Things to see, places to go. So let us just reflect a moment on what the Creator (yourself) has brought into your life and vow today to change the negative, and be truly appreciative for the positive for by refelcting on the positive we are bringing more positive into our lives. By ignoring the negative we are then eliminating it from our lives.
In love and light
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Day8 Month6 - Returning to the original reason for this blog
Good Evening
I have decided to return to the original reason for starting this blog, I believe that we need to be motivated everyday and from experience I know that a little bit of motivation goes along way. It's just easy I suppose to fall into a rut and write just for the sake of getting something out there. Today I return to the roots of this blog. So here goes...
"Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.
Orison Swett Marden."
Looking through some quotes today, I found this one particularly moving. Moving because it reminded me of my Auntie Be, a fantastically wonderful women who is always remembered with much love. Auntie Be always used to say that "what is for you will never pass you by". Reflecting on the recent events of my working life, I suppose it gives me some hope that there must be something better waiting for me. Looking at the situation from a positive angle rather than a negative one means that I now have the opportunity to look for something better. I have applied for a couple of jobs and the hours are all part-time but hopefully because I now have a school years worth of experience I can earn a bit more. I am also in the position to be choosy about the next job I take. Rob takes good care of us so all the major bills are paid by him, and I have been offered my job back at the old folks home, so it's not like I won't be earning anything and it's not like we'll have to apply for benefits or loose our house, these are things mind you that other families are suffering with. It is also always important to be grateful for the things we have in life, a very BIG thing I had forgotten until I just typed these words. The bible somewhere says "be grateful everyday" and A Course in Miracles tells us that "God has given us everything we need".
When all is said and done I guess my ego has been bruised by being made redundant, and how ironic that I am the first person to dismiss the ego. I am NOT a victim, I used to be a victim but learning to be grateful for what I have and drawing strength in the knowledge that it could be worse and there are always others worse off than myself. Aristotle said "we are what we repeatedly do" he also said that "excellence is a habit", well so then is strength, being truly grateful, and knowing that it's really not personal, gives me the strength then to take this opportunity and use it to MY best advantage.
In love and light
I have decided to return to the original reason for starting this blog, I believe that we need to be motivated everyday and from experience I know that a little bit of motivation goes along way. It's just easy I suppose to fall into a rut and write just for the sake of getting something out there. Today I return to the roots of this blog. So here goes...
"Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.
Orison Swett Marden."
Looking through some quotes today, I found this one particularly moving. Moving because it reminded me of my Auntie Be, a fantastically wonderful women who is always remembered with much love. Auntie Be always used to say that "what is for you will never pass you by". Reflecting on the recent events of my working life, I suppose it gives me some hope that there must be something better waiting for me. Looking at the situation from a positive angle rather than a negative one means that I now have the opportunity to look for something better. I have applied for a couple of jobs and the hours are all part-time but hopefully because I now have a school years worth of experience I can earn a bit more. I am also in the position to be choosy about the next job I take. Rob takes good care of us so all the major bills are paid by him, and I have been offered my job back at the old folks home, so it's not like I won't be earning anything and it's not like we'll have to apply for benefits or loose our house, these are things mind you that other families are suffering with. It is also always important to be grateful for the things we have in life, a very BIG thing I had forgotten until I just typed these words. The bible somewhere says "be grateful everyday" and A Course in Miracles tells us that "God has given us everything we need".
When all is said and done I guess my ego has been bruised by being made redundant, and how ironic that I am the first person to dismiss the ego. I am NOT a victim, I used to be a victim but learning to be grateful for what I have and drawing strength in the knowledge that it could be worse and there are always others worse off than myself. Aristotle said "we are what we repeatedly do" he also said that "excellence is a habit", well so then is strength, being truly grateful, and knowing that it's really not personal, gives me the strength then to take this opportunity and use it to MY best advantage.
In love and light
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