Well it's Monday again and it's already almost over, where does the time go? Anyway I had my first official guitar lesson with K today. Yesterday K wanted to quit and I was quite upset about that. I did guitar when I was younger but no-one ever pushed me to finish anything, so I decided I would have lessons with K and he would practice. The last two weeks we managed to practise once and that was like trying to move an ass that has decided it just doesn't want to go anywhere.
But this evening the lesson went so well and it appealed to the performer in my son and he had a marvelous time upstaging me, I had fun too because in case you don't know already I am rather competitive by nature. The difference between K and I is that I no longer get frustrated when I loose. This is a huge lesson he has to learn. My hope though is that he will learn that you can't just give up when all you need is a little committment and hard work. I had for many years (and probably still do) have a habit of not finishing anything I start. I do not want my son to create for himself a habit of quitting when times get tough. I want him to be the type of character that people know they can rely on.
I know that as a parent I am particularly tough on both my children, yet both are performing at the top of their grades. C is so determined in what ever she does, ballet, tap dancing, she works much harder at all her school work and even though she is only 6 she has never once told me she CAN'T. She will give it a go with all her heart and soul. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have the odd strop every now and then but not half as many as K. I am a very proud mother and my children know that both Rob and I are there for them, but I would ideally like my children growing up with a sense of conviction and honour. Rob shows conviction and honour in everything he does and commits himself to. I have been on a journey the last 7 years, a journey that has taught me that I have huge chips on my shoulders and these are being systematically removed - I hope- but I will hopefully not allow these chips to build on the shoulders of my children. I will teach them the importance of the truth and respect in everything they do and hopefully they will never have to look in the mirror and not like what they see.
In love and light
Monday 31 January 2011
Saturday 29 January 2011
Day 29 - Cold and colder
Yesterday I decided that I would take on a little creative project, our kitchen table is in a horrible state and I thought I might make it something to do during half term, so we took a drive to B&Q today and looked at some tiles, yes I thought I'd tile the kitchen table. Not so strange an idea, easy to clean and looks good etc. However noone prepared me for the weight of the tiles. Rob decided in his infinate wisdom that we'd be adding huge weight to a table we'd have to dismantle to get out of the kitchen (to do said project) and then rebuild the table when I was done. Anyway I have subsequently changed my mind, my project will be simply to re-upholster the chairs, this he knows I can and have done before, guess he might be afraid I'd never finish and then we'd have pieces of table and tiles lying all over. Too bad I'll have to find another outlet for my creativity. Could write I guess, will need to go through everything I've written down on paper for the last 3 years to see if there is one topic sufficiently stimulating to keep me busy.
In love and light
In love and light
Friday 28 January 2011
Day 28 - Up, up and away....
Been gone a while, because I've had nothing much to say but hell do I have something to share today.
My whole life I have let my weight hold me back. "Oh no I can't do that people will laugh at me." I can't do that" and so I have let alot of really cool things pass me by. Using my weight as an excuse and worrying too much about what other people will think.
Well today at climbing I decided to stop hiding behind my weight, I put on a harness and I climbed.
I got about a metre off the ground and thought, I can't do this. Then I thought about the 9 and 10 year olds down there and what sort of role model would I'd be if I wimped out. So I moved my leg, moved my arm and soon I was just concentrating on where to put the next hand and the next foot and the all of a sudden there where no more, I had reached the top (about 20m), looking down I was petrified and the abseiling down the wall seemed much harder in comparison to the climb up the wall.
Once down visibly shaking but smiling from ear to ear, I knew that I had managed to fight through my fear, not my fear of climbing, so much as the fear I have of people's opinions of me. Today I went up, up and away and so did my confidence, I hope that my new found fearlessness will encourage my own children to work through and get passed their fears.
In love and light.
My whole life I have let my weight hold me back. "Oh no I can't do that people will laugh at me." I can't do that" and so I have let alot of really cool things pass me by. Using my weight as an excuse and worrying too much about what other people will think.
Well today at climbing I decided to stop hiding behind my weight, I put on a harness and I climbed.
I got about a metre off the ground and thought, I can't do this. Then I thought about the 9 and 10 year olds down there and what sort of role model would I'd be if I wimped out. So I moved my leg, moved my arm and soon I was just concentrating on where to put the next hand and the next foot and the all of a sudden there where no more, I had reached the top (about 20m), looking down I was petrified and the abseiling down the wall seemed much harder in comparison to the climb up the wall.
Once down visibly shaking but smiling from ear to ear, I knew that I had managed to fight through my fear, not my fear of climbing, so much as the fear I have of people's opinions of me. Today I went up, up and away and so did my confidence, I hope that my new found fearlessness will encourage my own children to work through and get passed their fears.
In love and light.
Tuesday 25 January 2011
Day 25 - Coming home
It's difficult sometimes to find something to say without sort of resorting to a long list of what we did step by step for the day, but I suppose whether we know it or not we are ultimately enlightened a little bit every day. The problem though is that we don't usually realise that we have to some degree been enlightened. I had very vibrant dreams last night, not scary but kind of trippy, I woke up even more tired then when I went to bed.
These dreams are my sub-concious trying to come to terms with something specific, and since they centred around our trip to SA, I suppose my psyche is trying to reconcile the fact that maybe, I won't want to come back. Second to loosing J this move has been horribly hard. I know Rob misses his friends, but his family is here, so he has absolutely no clue how I feel at leaving everyone I love and care for (outside of our foursome) 11000 miles away.
This leaves me with a huge problem, because Rob will never come back, and my children are essentially British, and small town British not cosmopolitan British. So all things considered I guess I'll be coming back..... home?
In love and light.
These dreams are my sub-concious trying to come to terms with something specific, and since they centred around our trip to SA, I suppose my psyche is trying to reconcile the fact that maybe, I won't want to come back. Second to loosing J this move has been horribly hard. I know Rob misses his friends, but his family is here, so he has absolutely no clue how I feel at leaving everyone I love and care for (outside of our foursome) 11000 miles away.
This leaves me with a huge problem, because Rob will never come back, and my children are essentially British, and small town British not cosmopolitan British. So all things considered I guess I'll be coming back..... home?
In love and light.
Monday 24 January 2011
Day 24 - Time and space
Isn't horrible how quickly the weekend goes and then Monday tends to drag and drag and drag.... Then once Monday is over the rest of the week flies by. I must admit that we are all to some extent wishing our lives away. I then always think about one of the first times Jonathan came to visit me, I was lying on the couch in the lounge in Cumberland Road, we had dark green curtains with yellow and red stripes, he came up to me and was playing hide and seek, he hid himself behind the curtain in the bay window. I remember crying because for him there is no time or space and he will stand there mere seconds before I pull back the curtain and grab him into my arms. BUT, I have to live the rest of my life (another 30/ 40 years) before I can pull back the curtains and hold him in my arms.
I know this is probably a little down beat today but there are times when I think of him more and today seems to be one of those days. You see I am not afraid to die. I'd be lying if I said I was not afraid of HOW I might die, but I am certain enough the death is only the beginning. I like to imagine death as the arrivals hall of a huge airport, where people are coming in from all over and the ones they love are all there waiting, mothers and their children are reunited. Lovers run into each others arms and sisters scream with delight at the sight of each other.
I will certainly be screaming with delight when my sister picks us up from Oliver Tambo in July, unfortunately in this life, she's also going to have to take me back. In death there is no going back and we are reunited forever.
In love and light.
I know this is probably a little down beat today but there are times when I think of him more and today seems to be one of those days. You see I am not afraid to die. I'd be lying if I said I was not afraid of HOW I might die, but I am certain enough the death is only the beginning. I like to imagine death as the arrivals hall of a huge airport, where people are coming in from all over and the ones they love are all there waiting, mothers and their children are reunited. Lovers run into each others arms and sisters scream with delight at the sight of each other.
I will certainly be screaming with delight when my sister picks us up from Oliver Tambo in July, unfortunately in this life, she's also going to have to take me back. In death there is no going back and we are reunited forever.
In love and light.
Saturday 22 January 2011
Day 22 - It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me
I wish! Just heard the song on the tv. Saturday, lazy Saturday palmed the kids off to the Panto with the church, Rob and I had a lovely breakfast at the corner pub and a walk around the town, window shopping for houses. Unfortunately if we want to buy a house this year, it looks like we'll get better value for money outside of Petersfield, by moving 5 miles down the road, we can get a three bedroom house for about £80000 less than what the cost is here. It's sad and although K has to transition to the junior school, which is conveniently over the road, C is doing really well where she is and I don't know that I'd want to move her for 1 year because then she has to move from the Infants.
Isn't it amazing how every decision we make is centered around our children, how different our lives would be if we had decided not to try again after Jon.... Not that I would change it and posting pictures of my babies onto fb today I know that I am eternally grateful for their unconditional love and affection. I guess all the sleepless nights and worrying will only get worse when they have bigger challenges in their own lives. All said and done we have to get our own home for the mini zoo my children are planning for when we are allowed pets.
In love and light.
Isn't it amazing how every decision we make is centered around our children, how different our lives would be if we had decided not to try again after Jon.... Not that I would change it and posting pictures of my babies onto fb today I know that I am eternally grateful for their unconditional love and affection. I guess all the sleepless nights and worrying will only get worse when they have bigger challenges in their own lives. All said and done we have to get our own home for the mini zoo my children are planning for when we are allowed pets.
In love and light.
Friday 21 January 2011
Day 21 - Another fine one.
Believe it or not when I went through at 7.00am this morning to wake C up, I opened the curtains and what I saw was merely a lighter shade of dark, but it made me feel fantastic because I now know that summer is on it's way, it's been a cold crisp day but the glimmer of light in the sky this morning let me know that our long dreary cold existance is coming to an end.
The sun has been out all day and even driving into school this morning which is beautifully located on the Southern Downs was fog free.
I then got to spend the day in Midhurst, first climbing (the children that is) and then singing in the BIG SING held at Midhurst Rother College. Sometimes my job is so great I don't ever feel like it's work, of course though there are always good and bad days and of course we are dealing with people, young people who are moody, have good days and bad just like I do. Then there are also a number of children dealing with so much more, young carers, parental drug/alcohol addiction, behaviour disorders, neglect and I could list lots lots more, but today was essentially another good day. However being home with my own two, who are more than happy to entertain themselves while I do this, is the best thing of all.
In love and light.
The sun has been out all day and even driving into school this morning which is beautifully located on the Southern Downs was fog free.
I then got to spend the day in Midhurst, first climbing (the children that is) and then singing in the BIG SING held at Midhurst Rother College. Sometimes my job is so great I don't ever feel like it's work, of course though there are always good and bad days and of course we are dealing with people, young people who are moody, have good days and bad just like I do. Then there are also a number of children dealing with so much more, young carers, parental drug/alcohol addiction, behaviour disorders, neglect and I could list lots lots more, but today was essentially another good day. However being home with my own two, who are more than happy to entertain themselves while I do this, is the best thing of all.
In love and light.
Thursday 20 January 2011
Day 20 - Back in the land of the living.
Good afternoon everyone, yes, I am back. The computer was on the fritz, literally, power cable frizzled and battery not charged. So I am back and with nothing major to report it's just good to have been able to do my scrabble and check my e-mails all 107 of them.
I just got to thinking how dependent we all are on technology today. It was like someone died in our house because none of us could use the computer, I must admit we've spoken more in the last few days then we normally do, but then we've also all fought more. It's a coin toss really, play happy families or play scrabble? personally I think we all need balance and if this last few days has taught me anything, it's that the scales in our house are greatly tipped in favour of technology rather than people. Perhaps I'll ensure the computer "dies" more regularly just so we don't loose our connection with each other.
In love and light.
I just got to thinking how dependent we all are on technology today. It was like someone died in our house because none of us could use the computer, I must admit we've spoken more in the last few days then we normally do, but then we've also all fought more. It's a coin toss really, play happy families or play scrabble? personally I think we all need balance and if this last few days has taught me anything, it's that the scales in our house are greatly tipped in favour of technology rather than people. Perhaps I'll ensure the computer "dies" more regularly just so we don't loose our connection with each other.
In love and light.
Sunday 16 January 2011
Day 16 - Let's have a drink.
Yesterday was a really good day, the kids had been invited to Robs cousin's birthday party, we decided it would be nice to see them, as it has been a while since we got together. The party consisted of trampolining and bouncy castling for an hour and then lunch. There were 16 children in total all aged between 5 and 7 and only two boys, they did however play the games and where are jumped out by the time the food was served. Oh did I mention we drove from Hampshire to Berkshire to attend a two hour party? No, well now I have.
The drive however was made very worthwhile by us going to a local pub and having a few drinks and some eats ourselves. However rewarding it was though I feel it was the company that made it extremely worthwhile. Robs cousin Wendy and her husband Gerard are fabulous and the conversation is funny and very "homegrown".
Wendy's sister Lara has recently moved back to NZ, while their brother lives in Aus in Brisbane. They survived the floods thanks to living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. We were sad to hear that Wendy and her family are planning to move to Autralia. But it did make me realise that they are very close, they all moved to the UK to be near their mom, who passed away a few years ago, and now they are all migrating back together.
As much as I wish all my family could be together, it's good to know that we are very close in spirit and that no amount of space or time can really seperate us, although it would be bloody great to have a drink together in a pub somewhere in the middle of no-where every once in a while.
In love and light
The drive however was made very worthwhile by us going to a local pub and having a few drinks and some eats ourselves. However rewarding it was though I feel it was the company that made it extremely worthwhile. Robs cousin Wendy and her husband Gerard are fabulous and the conversation is funny and very "homegrown".
Wendy's sister Lara has recently moved back to NZ, while their brother lives in Aus in Brisbane. They survived the floods thanks to living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. We were sad to hear that Wendy and her family are planning to move to Autralia. But it did make me realise that they are very close, they all moved to the UK to be near their mom, who passed away a few years ago, and now they are all migrating back together.
As much as I wish all my family could be together, it's good to know that we are very close in spirit and that no amount of space or time can really seperate us, although it would be bloody great to have a drink together in a pub somewhere in the middle of no-where every once in a while.
In love and light
Friday 14 January 2011
Day14 - Somehwere over the rainbow?
It's really great when you do something and then you get a compliment for just doing what you felt was a right thing to do. Take this blog, today I received a message from Alfred Q. Wood who happens to be a published writer, and my cousin, and he told me that I have a gift for writing. This is truely a fantistic compliment to receive from someone who has worked hard, followed his own dreams and achieved the goals he has set for himself. So thanks A because it means a heck of a lot to me that you enjoy my writing.
Now fully inspired to continue writing I am going to tell you what I did today, as a teaching assistant in a local school, I look after a young girl who has GAUCHERS disease, this is an enzyme defficiency which manifests in many physical limitations, like stiff limbs similar to cerebral palsy, the main problem however is that there are also serious visual problems not so much with the sight but with her ability to track either horizontally or vertically. This needless to say causes her to be unable to judge distance and her spacial awareness is as a result impaired.
Our class teacher has arranged for groups of children to go rock climbing, the girl in question, told me she did not want to go as she is afraid of heights, this was discussed with the class teacher who said that she has to at least try and today we went for our first rock climibing session.
Visibly afraid we harnessed her up and the instructor, ex army paratrooper, was not taking NO as an option, slowly we positioned her near the wall and instructed her where to put her feet and hands, needing us to lift her off the floor she slowly moved a little further up the wall, she then said she wanted to get down, well like I said no was not an option, the instructor climbed with her instructing her to move left hand here, right hand there and he used his own body (harness free) as foot hold for her, by her third time, she had managed half way up the wall, the instructor left her on her own so we could get a picture without him in it. I have never been so inspired or proud in my whole life as at that moment with the child holding on to a wall and facing all her fears despite her physical limitations. Talk about somewhere over the rainbow!
It just made me think how much we actually take for granted, as able bodied people, I know that I bitch and moan constantly and yet I have the use of my arms and legs. I bitch and moan and yet I have all my senses, I bitch and moan and yet my children are healthy and well and have full use of their bodies.
New idea - stop fucking complaining!! and just get on with it.
In love and light
Now fully inspired to continue writing I am going to tell you what I did today, as a teaching assistant in a local school, I look after a young girl who has GAUCHERS disease, this is an enzyme defficiency which manifests in many physical limitations, like stiff limbs similar to cerebral palsy, the main problem however is that there are also serious visual problems not so much with the sight but with her ability to track either horizontally or vertically. This needless to say causes her to be unable to judge distance and her spacial awareness is as a result impaired.
Our class teacher has arranged for groups of children to go rock climbing, the girl in question, told me she did not want to go as she is afraid of heights, this was discussed with the class teacher who said that she has to at least try and today we went for our first rock climibing session.
Visibly afraid we harnessed her up and the instructor, ex army paratrooper, was not taking NO as an option, slowly we positioned her near the wall and instructed her where to put her feet and hands, needing us to lift her off the floor she slowly moved a little further up the wall, she then said she wanted to get down, well like I said no was not an option, the instructor climbed with her instructing her to move left hand here, right hand there and he used his own body (harness free) as foot hold for her, by her third time, she had managed half way up the wall, the instructor left her on her own so we could get a picture without him in it. I have never been so inspired or proud in my whole life as at that moment with the child holding on to a wall and facing all her fears despite her physical limitations. Talk about somewhere over the rainbow!
It just made me think how much we actually take for granted, as able bodied people, I know that I bitch and moan constantly and yet I have the use of my arms and legs. I bitch and moan and yet I have all my senses, I bitch and moan and yet my children are healthy and well and have full use of their bodies.
New idea - stop fucking complaining!! and just get on with it.
In love and light
Thursday 13 January 2011
Day 13 - Home is where the heart is
Today has actually been a really good day, K has gone off to a friends house and C has a friend over here it has been bliss - 2 little girls, dressing up like princesses and having a tea party on a blanket in the lounge. I have to keep looking in to see if they are still there when normally I have to shout above the shouting of both K and C who never see eye to about anything.
I wonder how the other mother is getting on with 2 very boistrous boys? Anyway today that's her problem and not mine :).
I am looking forward to getting into bed today though only because it's cold and bloody raining again.
I keep thinking about braaivleis, rugby, sunny skies and chevrolet it was an ad about 100 years ago well it's too wet for braaivleis, I'm sure there's some rugby on somewhere, sunny skies seems to be a daydream and here chevrolet which is now called opel in SA is called vauxhall. I guess it's the silly things that awaken memories for us, cos I can remember playing and singing that song in the pool at Rencha and Roslyns house when we were kids in Cumberland road. Which then reminds me of our house in Cumberland Road into which my babies were born, and so the memories flood back. I miss my home. It's not supposed to be home any more but as some great person said, home is where the heart is and my heart will always be with those I love and since the bulk of the people I love are still in SA, when analysed I am very blessed because I will always have 2 homes, SA with mom, dad, Lolly and her beautiful girls and the UK with Rob, K and C.
GUESS I MIGHT JUST NEED A HUG!!
In love and light
I wonder how the other mother is getting on with 2 very boistrous boys? Anyway today that's her problem and not mine :).
I am looking forward to getting into bed today though only because it's cold and bloody raining again.
I keep thinking about braaivleis, rugby, sunny skies and chevrolet it was an ad about 100 years ago well it's too wet for braaivleis, I'm sure there's some rugby on somewhere, sunny skies seems to be a daydream and here chevrolet which is now called opel in SA is called vauxhall. I guess it's the silly things that awaken memories for us, cos I can remember playing and singing that song in the pool at Rencha and Roslyns house when we were kids in Cumberland road. Which then reminds me of our house in Cumberland Road into which my babies were born, and so the memories flood back. I miss my home. It's not supposed to be home any more but as some great person said, home is where the heart is and my heart will always be with those I love and since the bulk of the people I love are still in SA, when analysed I am very blessed because I will always have 2 homes, SA with mom, dad, Lolly and her beautiful girls and the UK with Rob, K and C.
GUESS I MIGHT JUST NEED A HUG!!
In love and light
Wednesday 12 January 2011
Day 12 - another one bites the dust.
I never did open that bottle of Margaritas it's a shame really, sometimes I feel like having a drink and then I change my mind, heck I'm moody enough as it is without adding alcohol to the mix.. I guess I don't drink because I know I have an addictive trait, and don't want to get addicted to alcohol/ drugs because they don't just mess with your life, but the lives of the people around you.
So here I am, the kids are asleep and I am indulging my current addiction - scrabble on fb. Don't do too badly but hate it when you have only played e.g. 350 games and have a 45% win rate and some fucker with 4785 games and 93% win rate wants to play you, come on be a little fair for goodness sake.
So I am relaxing and I've had my rant for the day. There's nothing quite like killing two birds with 1 stone.
In love and light
So here I am, the kids are asleep and I am indulging my current addiction - scrabble on fb. Don't do too badly but hate it when you have only played e.g. 350 games and have a 45% win rate and some fucker with 4785 games and 93% win rate wants to play you, come on be a little fair for goodness sake.
So I am relaxing and I've had my rant for the day. There's nothing quite like killing two birds with 1 stone.
In love and light
Tuesday 11 January 2011
Day 11 - And the beat goes on.
Ok, so the weekend is long ago over and yesterday was a nightmare, K was running a temperature of over 39 degrees and complaining of a sore throat, and of course I had not slept well as I had been banished to the kids room, so at 7am yesterday I was trying to arrange for granny to look after K and with such short notice, I thought it'll be ok to drop off C at school and be 10 minutes late for work. Yes? NO, flipping icy roads had caused absolute chaos and the only road I know to get to my work was CLOSED. Roaming through the country side with my sat nav telling me to MAKE A U-TURN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I arrived at work at 9.20am. Grumpy, tired and very annoyed.
So yesterday afternoon I assumed K would still not be well enought to go to school and pre-arranged for the worst, called a friend to see if she could walk C to school, granny was more than happy to have K with her, so this morning ran very smoothly. It's amazing the difference that a little planning can make to the smooth flow of your day.
C was collected from school and walked home by the same friend, I had an appointment with the nurse C came with me and I collected K after the nurse, so we are home, I am not cooking as we have left overs in the fridge and are having IF ITS. just waiting for my hubby to let me know what train he is on and then I think I might open my bottle of Margaritas (pre mixed) and have a drink and relax.
In love and light
So yesterday afternoon I assumed K would still not be well enought to go to school and pre-arranged for the worst, called a friend to see if she could walk C to school, granny was more than happy to have K with her, so this morning ran very smoothly. It's amazing the difference that a little planning can make to the smooth flow of your day.
C was collected from school and walked home by the same friend, I had an appointment with the nurse C came with me and I collected K after the nurse, so we are home, I am not cooking as we have left overs in the fridge and are having IF ITS. just waiting for my hubby to let me know what train he is on and then I think I might open my bottle of Margaritas (pre mixed) and have a drink and relax.
In love and light
Saturday 8 January 2011
Day 8 - Rain held off for a walk and a picnic
It's a Saturday, I wish I could say that it was a bright and sun shiney Saturday but alas only a few rays of sun have penetrated the dark low clouds, these dark low clouds have been here all week but AT LEAST the rain has held off enough for us to head up to The Devil's Punchbowl for a walk.
The walk was wet and soggy and the few rays of sun that did appear did not manage to heat things up so it was NILLY AND CHIPPY. For anyone who knows me very well, they know that I mean VERY chilly and nippy. Let's just say that I was more than happy for my hat and scarf.
The ground was soggy and while the kids thoroughly enjoyed being Peppa and George and splashing in muddy puddles for me (who cannot find wellies to go over my enormous calves) the ground provided many slippery, potentially dangerous steps.
Having said that we built up our already healthy appetites and sat in the car, out of the wind, and had our picnic. Subsequently we have headed home and are enjoying the warmth and the telly. Here's to the week-end.
In love and light.
The walk was wet and soggy and the few rays of sun that did appear did not manage to heat things up so it was NILLY AND CHIPPY. For anyone who knows me very well, they know that I mean VERY chilly and nippy. Let's just say that I was more than happy for my hat and scarf.
The ground was soggy and while the kids thoroughly enjoyed being Peppa and George and splashing in muddy puddles for me (who cannot find wellies to go over my enormous calves) the ground provided many slippery, potentially dangerous steps.
Having said that we built up our already healthy appetites and sat in the car, out of the wind, and had our picnic. Subsequently we have headed home and are enjoying the warmth and the telly. Here's to the week-end.
In love and light.
Friday 7 January 2011
Day 7 - TGIF
It's Friday, the first of the new year. I am just thinking about how many more Fridays we'll have and be grateful for. The first two days of school are done and dusted, so it's safe to say that all things are back to normal.
In assembly this week the Head requested each child to make a resolution, albeit a scholastic one and I do not usually make resolutions but it did get me thinking about goals. What goals would I like to achieve this year?
I want to go back to SA for a visit with my family. Words could never express how much I miss them all.
I want to get on the property ladder, I want K to stop sleeping in our bed. I want to get a permanent job and settle down.
Gosh there seems to be quite a few things I want, but let me begin by being grateful for what I have. My senses, hearing, seeing, touching smelling, tasting, and that extrasensory one. A family (those near by and far away), a home, a car, a job, food to eat, heating in the cold weather, clothes to wear. I could go on and on but the one I must remember is my hot morning shower and a tooth brush.
Let's face it in the immortal words of Fred Flintstone "it just doesn't get any better than this!"
In love and light
In assembly this week the Head requested each child to make a resolution, albeit a scholastic one and I do not usually make resolutions but it did get me thinking about goals. What goals would I like to achieve this year?
I want to go back to SA for a visit with my family. Words could never express how much I miss them all.
I want to get on the property ladder, I want K to stop sleeping in our bed. I want to get a permanent job and settle down.
Gosh there seems to be quite a few things I want, but let me begin by being grateful for what I have. My senses, hearing, seeing, touching smelling, tasting, and that extrasensory one. A family (those near by and far away), a home, a car, a job, food to eat, heating in the cold weather, clothes to wear. I could go on and on but the one I must remember is my hot morning shower and a tooth brush.
Let's face it in the immortal words of Fred Flintstone "it just doesn't get any better than this!"
In love and light
Thursday 6 January 2011
Day 6 - Glad to be back home
It's horrible to say but really I am not in the mood to try and be profound, the school day is over and the first day back is out of the way. There are a few things I need to take care of and that means a bit of a run around. The only good thing about today is that I can collect 33 pairs of contact lenses from a fellow freecycler. in my prescription. So the law of attraction does work because I have not been able to afford contact lenses but really hate to wear my glasses, so roll on the universe, first the little things start happening and then the BIIG things start happening so whoop whoop let's see what comes.
In love and light
In love and light
Wednesday 5 January 2011
Day 5 - A day all to myself
It's just past 1pm on Wednesday 5th, gosh it has been great. This morning's routine and getting the kids back to school was smooth and we walked to school at a leisurely pace. I saw them off. Caught up with a lot of the mums I hardly ever see because I don't do the drop offs and pick ups. Went to do a bit of shopping and had coffee with my friend Jo. It was great there has been no rush, no stress - gee I could get used to this.
But I am going to meet another friend at a coffee shop for a quick catch up and then get the kids from school.
Oh I am going to start having guitar lessons, it is in an effort to get Kieran practicing, so new skills on the horizon. I have visions of K and I playing around a camp fire on a beach somewhere, hey so we all dream and you know I dream BIG.
In love and light
But I am going to meet another friend at a coffee shop for a quick catch up and then get the kids from school.
Oh I am going to start having guitar lessons, it is in an effort to get Kieran practicing, so new skills on the horizon. I have visions of K and I playing around a camp fire on a beach somewhere, hey so we all dream and you know I dream BIG.
In love and light
Tuesday 4 January 2011
Day4 - Getting back to normal whatever than is
I missed Day 3, no biggie because I'm not sweating the small stuff. Today is the final day of holidays before the kids go back to school tomorrow, I go back to school on Thursday and after being with my children for almost 3 solid weeks 24/7, I can honestly say that I need a break roll on tomorrow 5 hours all to myself, what am I going to do with myself? I have made sure that there is NO housework to do it's my day off.
Sometimes I think it's harder being at home all the time then going off to work. Okay so I work with children, but at least I can leave them at the classroom door and walk away. It's a little bit harder to walk away from your own children, not that I would walk away but hey an hour or two to myself sometimes would sure be NICE.
So anyway we are back to the normal routine of getting up, getting ready, going to school and then the run around for extra curricular activities. In our house these include ballet lessons, tap dancing lessons, beavers, guitar lessons and rainbows. On top of washing, iron, cleaning, cooking and thank you Lord that I have a dishwasher, because there always seems to be dirty cup, glass or plate have you noticed that?
Here's to normality.
Sometimes I think it's harder being at home all the time then going off to work. Okay so I work with children, but at least I can leave them at the classroom door and walk away. It's a little bit harder to walk away from your own children, not that I would walk away but hey an hour or two to myself sometimes would sure be NICE.
So anyway we are back to the normal routine of getting up, getting ready, going to school and then the run around for extra curricular activities. In our house these include ballet lessons, tap dancing lessons, beavers, guitar lessons and rainbows. On top of washing, iron, cleaning, cooking and thank you Lord that I have a dishwasher, because there always seems to be dirty cup, glass or plate have you noticed that?
Here's to normality.
Sunday 2 January 2011
Day 2
Well Day 2 of the year 2011 has come and almost gone. I have been asked by my sister to write some self help articles for her church newsletter. It is new age, and I hope you will enjoy.
Focus
The law of attraction is something we have all heard of but very few of us can believe that we have the power to manifest our deepest desires.
There are several reasons for this.
1. We do not believe that we are created in the image of our creator.
2. We do not believe in the law of attraction and therefore everything is preordained or destined.
3. We do not believe that we are worthy of all the good things we would like.
Let me start by discussing number 1. I believe that we have been created in the image of our creator, and our creator whoever or whatever you may believe has brought us into being by a single thought. A natural conclusion must then be that we have the power of the creator within us and we can therefore "create" using our thoughts.
2. I DO NOT believe that our path in this life is predestined, some people do, however I feel it must be stressed that our current life path is the result of our choices, whether conscious or unconscious we are where we are right now because of a series of choices we have made. These choices have relyed on thoughts.
3. We are all raised and nurtured by our parents and by extention our environment, along with hopefully lots of positive reinforcement, there are always also the negative reinforcements the things we are told, money doesn't grow on trees, the rich get richer etc. These negative reinforcements teach us that we are unworthy of having all the things we want. We believe and our thoughts have been programmed to believe that we have to work hard, struggle to make ends meet and essentially forgo all the things we really want because, we either can't afford them or we are not worthy of possessing these things.
If any of this sounds familiar to you it should, these are not new arguments but the key to believing in the power of our thoughts comes with focus. We need to concentrate on the things we want. Focus on the things we have and be grateful for them and re-programme our thought patterns so that we believe that we ARE worthy of all the things we want.
This focus needs to extend to all areas of your life, you need to focus on the things you say (especially in front of your children) keep things positive, you need to focus on maintaining a good attitude, because let's face it, the idiot who cut you off on the highway this morning doesn't know or care that he's ruined your day so don't let him. Keep the focus on exactly what it is you want. Write a list and read it in the morning when you brush your teeth, keep a copy under your pillow and read it just before you go to bed. Be specific, e.g. I want my own home. NO TO VAGUE, I want to own my own home on an acre of perfectly manicured lawn with a kidney shaped pool. The braai area must be made of black slate and convert into a spit. The home itself is to be beautifully presented over 2 floors with 5 bedrooms, 3 on-suite bathrooms. the lower level must have a kitchen with an 8 gas ring burner, all the appliances should be custom fitted. See the difference? Which is easier to picture? Which home would you rather have?
FOCUS on the things you want, give no attention at all to the things you don't want, yes the bills come, the traffic's horrific, but don't wallow in the misery of them, don't give them the focus they crave, acknowledge them yes, because it is those things that keep us motivated to be rid of them, sit in traffic with a smile on your face, it does not matter if it's a real smile or if you look absolutely daft, one day that smile will be real and you won't be sitting in traffic you'll be cruising along the coast in your cherry red BMW convertable on your way to your holiday home in Plett.
I believe it, can you?
In love and light
Tracey Brown
Focus
The law of attraction is something we have all heard of but very few of us can believe that we have the power to manifest our deepest desires.
There are several reasons for this.
1. We do not believe that we are created in the image of our creator.
2. We do not believe in the law of attraction and therefore everything is preordained or destined.
3. We do not believe that we are worthy of all the good things we would like.
Let me start by discussing number 1. I believe that we have been created in the image of our creator, and our creator whoever or whatever you may believe has brought us into being by a single thought. A natural conclusion must then be that we have the power of the creator within us and we can therefore "create" using our thoughts.
2. I DO NOT believe that our path in this life is predestined, some people do, however I feel it must be stressed that our current life path is the result of our choices, whether conscious or unconscious we are where we are right now because of a series of choices we have made. These choices have relyed on thoughts.
3. We are all raised and nurtured by our parents and by extention our environment, along with hopefully lots of positive reinforcement, there are always also the negative reinforcements the things we are told, money doesn't grow on trees, the rich get richer etc. These negative reinforcements teach us that we are unworthy of having all the things we want. We believe and our thoughts have been programmed to believe that we have to work hard, struggle to make ends meet and essentially forgo all the things we really want because, we either can't afford them or we are not worthy of possessing these things.
If any of this sounds familiar to you it should, these are not new arguments but the key to believing in the power of our thoughts comes with focus. We need to concentrate on the things we want. Focus on the things we have and be grateful for them and re-programme our thought patterns so that we believe that we ARE worthy of all the things we want.
This focus needs to extend to all areas of your life, you need to focus on the things you say (especially in front of your children) keep things positive, you need to focus on maintaining a good attitude, because let's face it, the idiot who cut you off on the highway this morning doesn't know or care that he's ruined your day so don't let him. Keep the focus on exactly what it is you want. Write a list and read it in the morning when you brush your teeth, keep a copy under your pillow and read it just before you go to bed. Be specific, e.g. I want my own home. NO TO VAGUE, I want to own my own home on an acre of perfectly manicured lawn with a kidney shaped pool. The braai area must be made of black slate and convert into a spit. The home itself is to be beautifully presented over 2 floors with 5 bedrooms, 3 on-suite bathrooms. the lower level must have a kitchen with an 8 gas ring burner, all the appliances should be custom fitted. See the difference? Which is easier to picture? Which home would you rather have?
FOCUS on the things you want, give no attention at all to the things you don't want, yes the bills come, the traffic's horrific, but don't wallow in the misery of them, don't give them the focus they crave, acknowledge them yes, because it is those things that keep us motivated to be rid of them, sit in traffic with a smile on your face, it does not matter if it's a real smile or if you look absolutely daft, one day that smile will be real and you won't be sitting in traffic you'll be cruising along the coast in your cherry red BMW convertable on your way to your holiday home in Plett.
I believe it, can you?
In love and light
Tracey Brown
Saturday 1 January 2011
Day1
So, day 1 of 2011 already almost over, a wonderfully mild day considering the weather of late, a lie in and a good hot bath, what better way to round off a day then with good friends, good food and a good movie?
Relaxing now and I am going to endeavour to write something down each day of 2011. My only regret for the day is that I did not phone my family in SA. But my sister always knows that no news is good news and we are linked sub-consciously so she'd know if I did not call because of something wrong.
This year I refuse to be bogged down by "the small stuff", this has been a quote that I saw in a movie once, can't remember the movie but a big native american guy tells another guy not to sweat the small stuff and then he adds on a laugh the everything is small stuff.
So this year I am not sweating the small stuff and treating everything as small stuff, join me why don't you.
Relaxing now and I am going to endeavour to write something down each day of 2011. My only regret for the day is that I did not phone my family in SA. But my sister always knows that no news is good news and we are linked sub-consciously so she'd know if I did not call because of something wrong.
This year I refuse to be bogged down by "the small stuff", this has been a quote that I saw in a movie once, can't remember the movie but a big native american guy tells another guy not to sweat the small stuff and then he adds on a laugh the everything is small stuff.
So this year I am not sweating the small stuff and treating everything as small stuff, join me why don't you.
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