Our first "big" break.

Let me tell you about the last 24 hours and a bit...

Monday, enough already I hear you say but it gets better. A normal day by any accounts until about 3.45pm when I collect Kiki and Shiny from school. Kiki gets into the car and shows me his right index finger, it's blue and very swollen, I say "ouch, how'd that happen?" He proceeds to tell me that during PE in the last hour of the day, a netball bounced onto his finger. I say "Okay is it sore?" He says "no". So I start driving home, I look down to change gear and his hand is sitting on his lap, I say "S$%t, that doesn't look right!" So I turn the car around and head back into Petersfield because they have a minor injuries department at the hospital.
We arrive at the hospital and they have a triage system going, so we fill in the form and see a nurse, she draws a picture, takes all the info and straps his finger up giving me a form that I need to take to a doctor next door for an x-ray referral. No problem so we wait, we get the form and head back into the hospital to the radiography department. It's closed about 4.30pm.
Kiki is still not in any pain so we'll come back tomorrow.
Tuesday, the ice on the car is about as thick as a pound coin, so the day starts with me putting in some major PT as I try to scrape the ice off the windscreen and side windows, then an uneventful drive to drop Shiny at school and on to the hospital, we get there at 8.37am (I have the car park ticket to prove it). Radiography doesn't open till 9am so we wait, eventually Kiki is taken in and x-rayed and we wait.
Did you know that x-rays are digital (how modern), we head back to minor injuries and we wait to see the doctor. He's a pretty cool bloke, tattoo, earing, he says "Hey mom, take a look at this." Clearly I am looking at Kiki's hand, looks OK to me, and then he clicks over to an image of the finger and it's broken. Damn!!! A teeny tiny break in the middle bone of finger just above the joint.
Our first broken bone!

In love and light ( and plaster and a sling:) )

What's really important?

I often feel like there is so much crap sitting on my shoulders and it gets harder and harder to shrug off. All the self-help stuff I am addicted to says "let go of the past" for some of us it is much easier said than done.
I have gotten better at releasing the day to day stuff that annoys me, like the moron who cut me off in the traffic, but please don't tell me I am the only one who seethes for hours afterwards!
Surely who we are is a blend of the things that make up our past. We all have good things and bad things that have happened which have defined us, but why does it seem that the bad stuff which happened defined us more?
For days now I have been smelling cigarette smoke and not whiffs but full on puffs of smoke, I always associate the smell of cigarette smoke with my Aunties. Especially Aunty A. So I keep wondering what she is trying to tell me? I haven't had any intuition of what it is she wants me to do.
I'll tell you a little story...
One year, Bee drove Avis, my mom and I down to Durban from Johannesburg. I think it was for uncle Alf's funeral. Not a holiday, but they all smoked. So I sat in the back complaining about the smoke, not because they smoked, but because they never smoked at the same time, there was not a minute in the whole 8 hour drive down to the coast that I was not breathing in second-hand smoke! Jesus how that irked me! For years it bothered me, I moaned and complained about every opportunity I got but thinking about it now I am filled with longing and nostalgia for the women they were, Aunty Bee and Aunty A always full of love, caring and warm, my mom quick to laugh, vibrant and loving.
I spoke to my mom today and she is doing well, considering she is on oxygen 24 hours a day. I miss her very much.
However there is a part of me that would kill for another 8 hours with them, all together taking much joy out of my misery!
So really, honestly what is REALLY important??
In love and light.