What's really important?

I often feel like there is so much crap sitting on my shoulders and it gets harder and harder to shrug off. All the self-help stuff I am addicted to says "let go of the past" for some of us it is much easier said than done.
I have gotten better at releasing the day to day stuff that annoys me, like the moron who cut me off in the traffic, but please don't tell me I am the only one who seethes for hours afterwards!
Surely who we are is a blend of the things that make up our past. We all have good things and bad things that have happened which have defined us, but why does it seem that the bad stuff which happened defined us more?
For days now I have been smelling cigarette smoke and not whiffs but full on puffs of smoke, I always associate the smell of cigarette smoke with my Aunties. Especially Aunty A. So I keep wondering what she is trying to tell me? I haven't had any intuition of what it is she wants me to do.
I'll tell you a little story...
One year, Bee drove Avis, my mom and I down to Durban from Johannesburg. I think it was for uncle Alf's funeral. Not a holiday, but they all smoked. So I sat in the back complaining about the smoke, not because they smoked, but because they never smoked at the same time, there was not a minute in the whole 8 hour drive down to the coast that I was not breathing in second-hand smoke! Jesus how that irked me! For years it bothered me, I moaned and complained about every opportunity I got but thinking about it now I am filled with longing and nostalgia for the women they were, Aunty Bee and Aunty A always full of love, caring and warm, my mom quick to laugh, vibrant and loving.
I spoke to my mom today and she is doing well, considering she is on oxygen 24 hours a day. I miss her very much.
However there is a part of me that would kill for another 8 hours with them, all together taking much joy out of my misery!
So really, honestly what is REALLY important??
In love and light.